The Importance of Congruent Communication by Andrea Kellerman
15 August 2016, 14:40

I always find that most problems in relationships are due to COMMUNICATION ERRORS.  Many people are not able to say what they think and don't package the messages in a correct way. There is generally a great fear of being misunderstood, creating conflict, being too harsh or hurting others and not being important enough to voice an opinion.  This can cause negative feelings such as irritation, anger and resentment.

In order to send a message in an effective way, you need to know that communication is parted into different sections:

1) Body Language
2) Verbal Message
3) Energy/Vibe that you have when communicating

If you want to bring a certain message across, you need to make sure that all those sections are congruent.  This means if you want to say "no" for example, you need to make sure that your words are chosen correctly.  Your body language must show that you really mean "NO" and your energy must be confident and in line with your message. This makes you more believable and others will respect you more.  If your message is not communicated in a congruent way, others might not take you seriously and can ignore what you have said.

I am sure you have experienced this in your life already.  You keep on saying: "No, I don't want this", or "No, I don't want to come along" and others have tried to change your mind, have not taken you seriously or have just ignored what you have said.  If this happens on a regular basis, it might be that your message is not communicated in a congruent and effective way.

Check your body language, what you say and how you say it.  If you are really convinced that you mean what you say and your message is communicated congruently, you will see that others will understand you better and won't ignore or manipulate you any more.

Watch Andrea's video for more hints and tips.

Practice this skill and give me some feedback by emailing me at

Good Luck!

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