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The Importance of Setting Boundaries by Andrea Kellerman

11 August 2016, 15:00

BOUNDARIES are important in our lives to feel more in control and live according to our true inner self.

After having explained why boundaries are important I often hear different reasons why it is hard to actually set proper boundaries.

Here are the most common reasons why people do not like to set boundaries:

Myths about boundary setting

Other people won't like you any more if you say no - Try to find the reason why you don't want to say no. Often we are afraid of rejection or loosing someone. Ask yourself if your life might not be easier if you say no in certain situations. Often this relieves us from feeling overworked, used and taken for granted.

You might hurt others - Often people are scared to set boundaries because they don't want to hurt others. At the same time they hurt themselves because they are not able to fulfill everything that they promised or think they need to fulfill. It's not fair on you or others not to set boundaries.

You will get hurt by others - Often people are scared that they will get hurt if they say what they think. This is not necessarily true, we generally get hurt more if we don't set boundaries and allow others to manipulate us. Saying what you think and feel in an assertive way will get you further than not saying anything at all.

You might feel guilty - I hear this one quite often - We feel that others have done so much for us or we don't want to be rude and that is why we cannot say no or set boundaries. When boundaries are set in an assertive way, we do not have to feel guilty as we are doing it in a respectful way.

Once you set the boundaries, you cannot change them any more - You can always change boundaries, nothing is cast in stone. You just need to be consistent with your inner believes and principles in life.

When you understand what kind of boundary problems you have and who the people are who push your boundaries, you need to identify a way to be more in control again. Overcoming the myths of boundary setting will help you to actually set good boundaries and to be consistent with your behavior. You will see that you get positive outcomes in different situations. Those positive outcomes will allow you to carry on working on your new behaviour.

The more you practice, the better you will get.

Good luck.

Watch Andrea's video for more hint and tips