Have you come across a person who is angry, comes across as being irritated and is using bad language or has a negative vibe? How do you feel when you are around a person like this? I bet you don't want to be around that person and find any excuse in your mind why you shouldn't spend time with him or her.
Or picture a person who is often sarcastic, is irritated, gets upset about things that are not so big or reacts in an irrational way. So you never know where you stand, you have to listen to negative comments or snarky remarks. Do you like people like this?Would you want to be around them?
Then again, I'm sure you have come across people who don't say much. You always make the decisions for them and they come along. You are not quite sure if they enjoy themselves or if they are happy with your decisions but you make them anyway because someone has to.
All of those are BAD COMMUNICATION STYLES. Could you identify them? Are you maybe using one of them yourself? If you do, you might find that you are not feeling very good in your life, might not think that others respect you and don't feel understood or valued.
I see this quite often with my clients. 75%of problems are due to wrong communication styles, misunderstandings and incongruent messages. Understanding your communication style and changing it can make a huge difference and help you get you what you want in life.
Try it out and give me some feedback on your successes and experiences.
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The Importance of Congruent Communication by Andrea Kellerman
15 August 2016, 14:40
I always find that most problems in relationships are due toCOMMUNICATION ERRORS. Many people are not able to say what they think and don't package the messages in a correct way. There is generally a great fear of being misunderstood, creating conflict, being too harsh or hurting others and not being important enough to voice an opinion. This can cause negative feelings such as irritation, anger and resentment.
In order to send a message in an effective way, you need to know that communication is parted into different sections:
1) Body Language
2) Verbal Message
3) Energy/Vibe that you have when communicating
If you want to bring a certain message across, you need to make sure that all those sections are congruent. This means if you want to say "no" for example, you need to make sure that your words are chosen correctly. Your body language must show that you really mean "NO" and your energy must be confident and in line with your message. This makes you more believable and others will respect you more. If your message is not communicated in a congruent way, others might not take you seriously and can ignore what you have said.
I am sure you have experienced this in your life already. You keep on saying: "No, I don't want this", or "No, I don't want to come along" and others have tried to change your mind, have not taken you seriously or have just ignored what you have said. If this happens on a regular basis, it might be that your message is not communicated in a congruent and effective way.
Check your body language, what you say and how you say it. If you are really convinced that you mean what you say and your message is communicated congruently, you will see that others will understand you better and won't ignore or manipulate you any more.
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Practice this skill and give me some feedback by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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The Importance of Setting Boundaries by Andrea Kellerman
11 August 2016, 15:00
BOUNDARIES are important in our lives to feel more in control and live according to our true inner self.
After having explained why boundaries are important I often hear different reasons why it is hard to actually set proper boundaries.
Here are the most common reasons why people do not like to set boundaries:
Myths about boundary setting
Other people won't like you any more if you say no - Try to find the reason why you don't want to say no. Often we are afraid of rejection or loosing someone. Ask yourself if your life might not be easier if you say no in certain situations. Often this relieves us from feeling overworked, used and taken for granted.
You might hurt others - Often people are scared to set boundaries because they don't want to hurt others. At the same time they hurt themselves because they are not able to fulfill everything that they promised or think they need to fulfill. It's not fair on you or others not to set boundaries.
You will get hurt by others - Often people are scared that they will get hurt if they say what they think. This is not necessarily true, we generally get hurt more if we don't set boundaries and allow others to manipulate us. Saying what you think and feel in an assertive way will get you further than not saying anything at all.
You might feel guilty - I hear this one quite often - We feel that others have done so much for us or we don't want to be rude and that is why we cannot say no or set boundaries. When boundaries are set in an assertive way, we do not have to feel guilty as we are doing it in a respectful way.
Once you set the boundaries, you cannot change them any more - You can always change boundaries, nothing is cast in stone. You just need to be consistent with your inner believes and principles in life.
When you understand what kind of boundary problems you have and who the people are who push your boundaries, you need to identify a way to be more in control again. Overcoming the myths of boundary setting will help you to actually set good boundaries and to be consistent with your behavior. You will see that you get positive outcomes in different situations. Those positive outcomes will allow you to carry on working on your new behaviour.
The more you practice, the better you will get.
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Please email me email@example.com with any comments or queries. Looking forward to hearing from you.